One
Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Sometimes the surest path forward involves a few detours and delays
By Sarah Wolf, Yoga Yoga Ashtanga student
It
seems like a lifetime ago that I was a hardworking corporate cog at
a major publishing house in the Midwest. One of my colleagues, Suzanne,
had been a senior editor before her magazine ceased publication, and
she was laid off. It being an era of recession (and senior editor positions
hard to come by), she took a job in our department as an assistant copy
editor, which was several steps down the corporate ladder from her previous
position.
Though
I didn't know enough at the time to think twice about her taking the job,
other people clearly were alarmed for her professional growth. What would
it look like, they asked her, for someone of her experience and skill
to take such a lowly job? Suzanne's answer has always stuck with me: "I
want to get back to being an editor," she always replied with a shrug,
"and sometimes moving forward down the road means taking a few detours
right now."
As
the months went by and other positions opened, she applied for them-and
without fail, she was promoted. Her bosses and coworkers were all impressed
that she applied herself in every task as though it were her dream job,
whether she was relegated to the basest assignments (ironing sheets and
pillowcases for a photo shoot) or the most glamorous (attending out-of-town
trade shows and parties). Within a few short years (though I'm sure they
did not feel short to Suzanne), she had not only worked her way back to
senior editor, but she had also acquired volumes of knowledge about the
industry, our company, and herself along the way. She was poised to have
her pick of positions (and indeed has moved on to bigger and better things).
I
think about Suzanne a lot these days because my yoga practice has bumped
up against a "detour," as she called it. It's not an injury;
I have done nothing in yoga or elsewhere to hurt my body. It's growth.
I know growth is good, but right now, it doesn't feel good. It is manifesting
itself as agonizing discomfort. Poses that once offered repose and relaxation
now make me antsy; those that used to feel open and wide are now tense
and twinge-y. Every night after practice, I can feel changes taking place-an
ache in one hip, a gnawing sensation in my foot, and a general tenderness
that I haven't felt since I first took up yoga. I feel like I am back
at square one, learning the proper form of each pose and reminding myself
to breathe, because I've had to re-examine my expression of each posture
and relax through the uneasiness.
I
would be alarmed about my seemingly backward regression-if I didn't have
Suzanne's example to draw upon. With every new shift that takes me back
to an earlier expression of any given asana, I think about Suzanne's comfort
in accepting a job far below her expertise and experience, knowing that
in time, that small concession would eventually blossom into bigger, brighter
opportunities. Rather than push my inflamed joints and aching muscles,
I am taking Suzanne's patient approach, easing back-rather than plowing
forward-and looking at my newfound fragility with compassion. I'm trying
to consider these steps backward in the larger scheme of things, to view
my yoga practice as a lifelong source of enjoyment rather than a task
that must be conquered right now. Doing so has shushed the competitive
voice clucking at me every time I need to back out of a pose and has even
made me appreciate the creaks and tweaks that surface after class. Without
them, my yoga practice would stagnate. I need those shifts to fuel my
practice and, indeed, to hold my interest and keep my focus.
I
hope that my story will help those who find themselves in similar positions.
Just realize that yoga is the path, not the destination. For some of us,
it's a long and winding one, which merely means that we can relish the
journey a bit longer than our friends whose paths are straighter!
About Sarah
Sarah
took an Ashtanga Beginners Series about four years ago and her
practice continues to blossom.
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